The ugly truth

Today I would like to confess a very ugly part of me, few years ago I actually thought I was somehow rather a saint due to this particular character of mine. Then, over the years, especially last couple of years, I realised that I was an idiot. Who would have imagined that I'd be writing this now right?

So yeah, I'm actually guilty of making certain people in my life as my priority and ending up in disappointment. Those people whom I have taken to be my family and where I consider their problems as mine & actually go all out to help them out. I might be bias when I'm saying this, cause those individuals are not in my life anymore, maybe the disappointment had made me speak in such manner. I might not have written this post, if they were still in my life. But when I say I've gone all out, I've done my best to make them happy and cheerful in order to forget their painful past.

I'm not sure whether this is my weakness or advantage, but if you're going through a hard time in your life, first of all I'd start by feeling for you and then eventually making your problems mine. This is where exactly the problems starts and eventually camps up in my life too! You know what hurts the most? Cause I'll be with this people at their very worst, but when I'm at my worst, no one ever shows up. Funny isn't it? Then I came to realisation that, I don't quite have real friends or those whom I consider to be my friend is just isn't real. Those whom I regard as family, don't look at me in such way, maybe it was just the play of words. Well, that reminds me how powerful word can be. That's why its often said that, words a sharper than swords cause it can kill people faster and further without any scars.

I had realised that I should focus on those, who have always been there for me no matter what, through light and darkness, through hardships and laughter. I'm indebted to them all my life, those will be my sisters and family, I've always taken them for granted, by switching all my focus to those who in reality didn't even matter. But I've realised my fault and have taken oath to change that part of me. Thus from today, I wouldn't make anyone else my priority and no one else going to get more attention than my family!

How I started off...

I started of this blog just merely following the trend, I was very much jealous of my friends who was pretty much famous and had very active social life. I was the person in class who focuses on studies and rarely goes out with friends, though I was good in exams back then, I still felt left out. Perhaps maybe, I started this off just to get a recognition among my classmates. As I've mentioned on my previous posts, if you've been following me you'd know how my posts has been lot more centric on myself than it is now.

I've always wanted to be accepted by this group of friends, as they'd go out together during holidays and I was the one who spent most her days attending tuition lessons instead of having fun. Mostly due to the fact that, my parents wouldn't permit me to be off alone all by myself. I wouldn't blame them, as they was rather protective of their daughter. But I was somehow jealous of them, well now walking through the memory lane, I just laughed it off. Cause all my life, I have longed to be accepted by people and actually done or rather copied whatever they did so that I'd be accepted, and thus my originality just vanished.

I remember I used to be so worried about my weight and used to starve myself in the name of diet, this was me as a teenager. I was so afraid that, someone would come up to me and tell me that I'm fat and I'd be quickly rejoiced if someone tells me that I've lost weight!  You could actually witness the million dollar smile on my face, that's how people's opinion mattered to me. I'm sure many out there, still trapped there and don't know how to get out from there. First and foremost, it starts off by believing that you're beautiful, gorgeous, smart and you'd always be, it starts off by looking at yourself in such way.

Today when I look back, I've come a long way, from focusing so much on what everyone's has to say, to now not giving a sh*t about their opinions. Cause, at the end of the day its you and only you that matters. I've came to realisation that you should only compete with yourself and no one else, be a better version of yourself. Even till today, I receive comments about the pimple scars on my face ( This was due to the extreme exam stress I went through few months back) and also sometimes about my weight. Instead of being hurt by the comment, I've learn accept it and actually explain to them why is it such. 

P/s : and If you receive a compliment, please don't hush it away. Acknowledge it with a Thank you :)

Life goes on..

It had been quite long since I wrote in here, I guess this has been a place where I only come when I'm feeling down or need a motivation. Because by writing, I'm not sure about you but I've always received the liberation from all the sorrows that my life is packed up with. This blog has been more of a note to self than just writing it for the sake of others.

Lately, my life hasn't been of what I've all imagined it to be. It had pretty rough, I didn't know I could fail in something that I had so much love for. Perhaps maybe I just didn't do well enough, which I could make sense out of. Nonetheless, I was given the second chance to get things right, this time around I gave everything I had, every single thing. Now, I'm just hoping that it will all turn out to be good, all I can say is that I've given my best to it. Failure isn't an option anymore, it would just crush me even further. That's not gonna do me any good, isn't? To tell you the truth, I'm completely worried and that only gives me sleepless nights.

When I look at the path I chose, or the choices I've made thus far, I had this sort of self-reflective moment with myself where I was able to analyse what really went wrong along the way. What really happened? Why is everyone is either using me or leaving me? Then I realized, it was me all the way. It was my fault, to have allowed someone else to use,discriminate,blame and many more, if I didn't allow them to do all that, it wouldn't have occurred, wouldn't it? This goes out to everyone out there, please don't give other person the liberty to hurt you and always remember that you should be your very own priority!

I've always (Not always though, during the first 2 years of blogging years I was rather descriptive of my encounters) written this blog in such way that I don't exactly tell what's really  happening in my life, tell it with a gloss covering it. Its just that I don't want to make my private life, social and even if you follow me on Facebook or Twitter it will just be the same. I'm sorry if it confuses some, but this is how its gonna be. 

Sometimes when I want to go back over a decision I've made, I'll come here to read all the previous posts and learn about what made me to reach such decision. My blog do help me out everytime and to me writing is the only medicine. 

Jars of hearts..

Sitting here having my coffee and actually thinking to myself that what wrong have I done to go through this whole thing? Then I realised where it went wrong, it was the choice I've made, it may sound very trivial but most of the times its the choices we make in our life decides what the future holds. So be very careful when you decide on something, especially something really big such as relationships, marriages and career, its not like there's no turning back but trust me it would be a very hard one as it involves emotions. I guess I love myself way too much yo put myself through this shit ever again, and I'm very happy that I took the decision. There lot of people out there who are still stuck there and not being able to decide, all I would say is that follow your heart, it will never be wrong. One more thing, don't ever get influenced with what others say, its your life so live it as you wish! There's no rush, you've got all the time in the world so stay calm & relax, grab a coffee and decide, please do think thoroughly. I'm actually listening to Jars of Hearts by Christina Perri, the lyrics suits my situation very well, I so feel them deep down! For example,  "You gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul so don't come back for me"  "I've grown too strong to ever fall back in your arms"  

P/S : I've learned to live half alive :)

Relationships

Relationships are like symbiosis where there is mutualism, parasitism and commensalism, often times I believe it should be more of a mutualism and obviously it should never be parasitism. What I mean by mutualism? When both of you complement each other, both encourages to do what each of you passionate about, understanding, not controlling or rather bossy over your better half, most of all you should love unconditionally. Parasitism as you very well know, when only one benefits and it feeds on the other leaving the other sad and exhausted.

Well, I'd say its very easy to actually lay things out here and in practice it might be the hardest thing of them all. Even life isn't easy then how can we expect relationships to be a piece of cake?! We must have been crazy to ever create fairy tales and fool our kids saying that the Prince Charming would come in a carriage or perhaps an Audi,BMW or even a BICYCLE to rescue them and they will live happily ever after! Trust me, I'm one of those kids who got fooled so you're not alone! 

Yes, relationships isn't easy and it requires lot of patience, most of all LOVE! Have you realised that when you first fell in love, everything was so beautiful and lovely, you were always on cloud nine and you would always be receiving gifts,flowers and surprise dates but as years passed everything just vanished into the air? Like a day can just go by you not conversing with each other but previously you used to hang on the phone with that person day and night. Surprising isn't it? As I've said earlier relationships should be based on mutualism and most importantly it should be continuous and everlasting! Most of all, don't even try to hold it too tightly to the point of suffocation, you should always let it free, for example birds are meant to fly high on the sky and not to be caged and that's what you should do with the one you love and not cage them up.

Everlasting? I guess that's something we don't experience nowadays or do we? If you are experiencing those things, consider yourself as lucky! Both of you should put in the effort and always remember it should never be placed on one person cause as years pass on they will just get tired and exhausted of trying to please you. Being brought up in an Indian family I've faced this a lot, that the men in the family is more often is regarded as the King and we have to serve them. This is totally ridiculous and I'm very much against it. I'm more of a person, if you expect me to cook for you, I would want you to cut the vegetables for me or even cook for me! Why not right?! If you want me to do the house chores, I would always demand for you to  help me out. That's how I am, there is no special treatments cause to me I'm not your servant, I'm your better half! So till I find someone like that I shall wait patiently! :)

I'm Finally Free

Have you ever felt this way? Like you've been confined and now suddenly now you feel like you have been released out of the tiny little space? I have been going through doubts and second thoughts about the decision I took recently, but then I realised why do i need something that held me tightly to the point where I was suffocating? And why am I even thinking about it over again? I know right, I shouldn't even brought it up but then the best way to get over certain things is to actually write abo
ut it and that is what exactly I'm doing right now. 

First of all, life is all about the choices we make. The choices we make whether its right or wrong shapes us to become a better person. Often times when we make a mistake and the next time you repeat it again its no longer called as a mistake, its a choice to allow yourself to go through the pain and suffering all over again. Life has always been care-free for me, I've always thought and wanted it to be like that without complications, even when I have problems I've learnt to handle it with much patience and rationality. 

Now even the thought of that I have given someone else the authority to rule my life for a certain period of time is killing me, even though now its all back to normal like it was before but still WHAT WAS I THINKING?! I was just completely STUPID to let someone else control my life but I guess its okay as this has thought me a lesson. A lesson that I would be carrying throughout my life; that no matter what put yourself FIRST! You are the only one who could direct and act your life out, no one else should be given the authority to do so. 

Anyhow, it was indeed a painful journey but has thought me tonnes of lessons. I thank God to have shown me the light at earlier phase so that I would not be so broken, even I am now but I have promised myself that I will get over it and I want to get over it! The processes that involves in getting over this is that to do whatever you have ever wished for or in other words fulfill your wish-list. I'm glad that I'm doing just that! Hopefully after this I would make the right choices so that I wouldn't have to go through this shit ever again.

P/S : I'm finally FREE and I'm loving it! :)

I would like to really Thank God for everything He have done to me and whatever He's going to in the future, I guess my life had been very much unpredictable as so many things I'm actually doing right now, I wouldn't even have dreamed of doing such things. As most of you know that my initial plan wasn't Law and my choice was very much diverse from law, which was Piloting. I mean from a Pilot to a Lawyer, who would have ever imagined that right? But I'm very much glad that it happened. Due to some unfortunate things, I wasn't chosen to be a cadet pilot but I would have definitely loved to become one. Anyway, I'm very much willing to take up flying as a hobby! Cause of this I decided to do my A levels just to prolong the thinking period cause I wanted to think it through and carefully as it involves my future and at the same time I didn't want to waste time sitting and rotting at home! and now finally I've made up my mind to pursue my Law degree, I've learned and enjoyed lot of things along this rough path and I'm very much looking forward for more surprises that life has stored for me, pretty much excited and trilled I would say! There is a good news I would like to share with all of you readers, that I'm chosen to take up Internship program with some parties, for some certain reasons I don't want to mention their name right here. I really hope this would be a good exposure for me and I'm pretty much looking forward to work with this people, hopefully I won't put them down under any circumstance. I hope God would give the strengths and courage to undertake this task, I can see this would be a hectic one but I'm willing to take up the challenge! Hopefully, I'd perform well! There's lot of plans in my mind for the future, hopefully everything would go through smoothly! *fingers crossed* 

Jiah Khan

I most certainly believe that all of you have heard the news about the sudden death of actress Jiah (Nafisa) Khan who acted in Nishabd, Ghajini and Housefull, I heard the news when I was in the midst of my examination. Honestly, when I first heard the news, I was like who is she? I had no idea who she was, but having read about her and Google-d about her, I guess I could say that I know her now. Its very much sad to see young people like her who suppose to be the achievers in the future make such decisions to end their life. Most say that suicide is a cowardly act, but I'd say that it takes lot of courage to actually do it. Don't mistaken me that I'm encouraging it or anything, I'll come to the justification later on. I strongly believe that things can be sorted out in many other ways, suicide isn't the only resort, one should always keep that on their mind. But having said that, I seriously can't imagine the amount of pain, suffering and torture she would have undergone in order for her to take such decision. Today, I stumbled upon what is said to be her suicidal note and read through it, I could relate and feel each and every word she have written, so much of pain in her words. Hopefully, justice will be served and she is just too young to go. Look at the picture, she is just so gorgeous! Who would have known behind her smile lie a very depressing and sad story. My deepest condolences to her parents,sisters and family. May she rests in peace, I hope that she is in a better place now where she'd get all the happiness she deserves. I really hope that media would not make this a sensational news and make wrong speculations.I think the least we could do is respect her and not to simply create rumours. She wasn't famous when she was alive, but she becomes the cover story overnight, how ironic isn't it? I'm going to sit and watch all the three movies she have acted, this is my way of showing respect to her.

Good Evening readers! I know it had been a century since I've updated my blog (This has been my start up post like always; asking sorry!) I know I've did it before and m doing it again, I sincerely would like to apologise for the delays been extremely busy with my A levels completion. I've given my best to it, hopefully I'd pass through it with flying colours. I seriously don't know why I'm asking sorry, cause I really doubt anyone actually read the blog! I mean like really, unless you've been directed to my blog by Google images I don't think anyone gives a damn! They'd prefer to read some celebrities news feed, well most find it interesting maybe cause they get to feel how fame feels. Nevermind, I don't actually care about all those, actually I've stopped writing for more views and have increased my focus on the content of the particular post, perhaps maybe it comes with the age! :P I guess I've very much improvised from the first day I've starting writing and m very much glad with that, cause I do read my posts over again after some time, it did made me realise how my writing patterns have changed over the years. Its maybe due to the immense reading I've been doing, influence of my idols and of course my age. Well, when I was 14 or so I used to feel that I knew everything maybe that's how everyone feels, and now when I look back I've realised that I knew so little but I was able to understand things. But now I would say it had improvised to a large extent and I'm very much aware of my surroundings even further, its amazing isn't it? and I believe in future when I look back at today, I'd definitely feel the same because learning is a process of living. It just adds on and never subtracts, so you don't get even stupid by reading but its the other way around. Well, this post has gone too far isn't it??! Maybe its me and my love towards the keyboard, we are just inseparable! hahaha with that I shall end this :)

Feeling Used...

I don't quite understand people, well maybe thats how it should be as all of them are very much different from one another..I guess I have wrote here many times about this feeling..Maybe I've never succeeded to get rid of this feeling in me..Have you ever felt such way? Like people around you are there for some certain reasons..Am I too nice to people? Sometimes I just wonder..I take care of people's feelings so well, I help them out when they're in a big trouble or down...I talk nicely to them but at the end all of them end up treating me like sh*t..Sometimes I'd just say to myself this, Do I really deserve to be threaten this way? or am I giving too much room for them to do this to me? How am I suppose to be nice and not to be hurt at the same time??! You know it had caused such a great impact on me to the extent that I'm scared to get attached to people or make friends..If can I want to just detach myself from everyone and be with myself.. Like how Buddha once said "If you make friends with yourself, you'd never be alone" and how Einstein once said that "If you want to live a happy life,tie it to a goal not to people or things", This particular Einstein's quote suits me well since I'd always love to make others happy and still doing it..Haven't learnt how to leave this attitude of mine..I've been really hurt by people's words, due to that now I'm just so afraid..I mean you be good to people, you talk to them nicely and one fine day they just throw words at you without consideration..One thing for sure I'd never be able to forget anything, its a very deep scar.. This is something I wrote long ago "Words are even sharper than SWORDS, cause they kill people even FASTER!"

© 2013 Shalini M.

Happy New year!!..

I can't believe that I'm just doing this now!...Its almost the end of the month and I'm just wishing you people HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!.....I would like to wish everyone have a very prosperous, wonderful, productive, successful, healthy year ahead!!...I'm not sure whats awaiting for me this year but hopefully its all good.. May God bless you always.. A new chapter have just begun, 27 pages have been read and discovered..Hopefully the remaining would be great..Just wanted to tell everyone and remind myself that never be afraid to take risks and shine through..Last year had thought me some very vital lessons, one of it would be "Nothing is Permanent in Life",whether its your friends, siblings, family or anyone..People change, situation changes..you just got to learn to accept it..Frankly this year wasn't a good start but then its alright I'd like to take it positively.. I'm not quite happy with my AS level results and I've been quite down lately due to this.. but then maybe He has some better plans so I'd love to just wait and watch..This indicates that I have to work even harder from now on wards and hopefully I'd be able to achieve it..For that, I need all your blessings and prayers..Once again Happy New Year Everyone!..=)

Happily Ever After??!

Happily Ever After??...Sometimes I really wonder whether it truly exists or not..Or its just a dream of an author, so he started including this sentence on fairy tales..Think about it, we grew up people reading to us "and they lived Happily Ever After" and accepted the fantasy that everyone who gets married would live happily every after..But what if someone comes and tell you that, it isn't the case? Sometimes I just wish I could rip all these book which has been telling us lies all this while...Of course once you're grown up you'd realize the truth..Everyone from our childhood been telling us not to lie but they've been reading to us all these lies and forced us to accept the fantasy they've built up..Yeah some may disagree with me by saying that, there are marriages which has a happy ending, but its only handful of them..I'd always pray that all the marriages have the same destiny but sadly not everyone is the same, not everyone is the "Prince Charming" or "Cinderella".. Its sad that how most of people stay married though they're unhappy just cause of the society and what people around them might think.. I just wish I could shout at that "society" and ask them to keep their mouth shut..What if this same thing happens in their own life? Would they be able to comment? Why is that we people like to gossip about others and not think how it would hurt them?.. For me I live for myself, my family and friends, they're very important for me and I don't give a shit about what others might think cause they've got no clue about what I've been through and what brought me here...Though I'm very young but I do understand about marriage..When you're getting married someone, you're accepting their flaws and all, you're promising them that no matter what, through thick and thin, you'll be with them... You'll give equal rights to each other, you'd be a good listener, you'll leave the EGO behind ( This is why most marriages fail, why can't we leave the three letter word behind if it causes so much destruction?!), You'd trust each other, you'd promise their parents that you'd try hard to be a good son or daughter in law and take a good care of their child, you'll be responsible over your mistakes and you'd try hard to defend your better half if they're in any sort of problem...I know I may sound old by writing all these cause you wouldn't expect 18 year old to write in such way..But its the truth isn't it? If everyone is willing to live up to the vows they've made, all marriages would have a happy ending..Though there maybe some little fights or misunderstandings, well its all acceptable since there is two different individuals,character or minds living under the same roof..Its just like how we used to fight with our siblings when we were young, since different people tend to have different opinion about things..Well, we just have to take it that way..=))

You're Happy that the world didn't end?!

On 21st December, I have had list of unfortunate events, my train got delayed, couldn't take the LRT cause there was a huge que in the ticket counter, The whole KL Sentral was filled with people..When I finally decided to ask my sister to fetch me, there was a huge traffic congestion and at the end of the day I reached home at 10 pm!! If you've followed my blog from the start you would have known how I was so against to the very thought of world ending on 2012...I have already read many entries regarding world end, the ones against and the one agrees and came to my own conclusion 3 years ago..Knew that all this are just a hoax...But that not going to rate the movie 2012 a comedy..The reason why I'm saying this is cause I saw the 9gag about this..I really like the way the movie was taken and its screenplay..Hats off to the director..Well..The reason for this post isn't about commenting on the movie...Just wanted to ask you people..You're very happy that the world didn't end??!...Please do open your eyes and see the reality...Look at the world you're living in now.. Look at how "beautiful" or "peaceful" it is.. Shootings of innocent children and people, just cause one idiot is going through depression??!... Genocide in some part of the world to destruct ethnic minorities due to political reasons..Bombards and war in some countries just to prove political sovereignty??...Child abuse by their own parents, which is so sick cause for me if you don't want to have kids or you find them burdening then don't commit to such huge commitment in the first place!... Gang rapes, recently happened in India.. Like seriously?!.. If you want to have it so badly go and find a prostitute and not destroy a person's life!..Those people who saw her lying naked on the floor and didn't lend your helping hand, you are clearly heartless... This is the 'beauty' of world today..and you are here very happy about it not ending?..I don't know how is it for you people..but for me when we humans loose our humanity that's even worst than huge flood or Tsunami!...

Its 3.27 am now, during this wee hours of morning..everyone probably would be fast asleep but here I am sitting here and writing this post..Maybe the things that have crowded my mind is not allowing me to sleep so I've decided to pen it down instead..Maybe it would make me feel better or maybe not but here I am believing that it would..sitting here and writing this entry...Sometimes I wonder am I just too nice to people that they decided to use me up like my feelings doesn't matter anymore...I've been experiencing this odd feeling..This few days I've been helping out people to sort out things and suddenly the thought rose in me whether or not this person would be there when I'm in the same situation..then the past events hits me and somehow tells me that they wouldn't even care..Due to this, I've been quite moody lately or perhaps very moody.. Maybe I shouldn't take things too seriously, just let them go instead of holding tight to my bittersweet memories in the past.. After thinking for some time, the sudden feeling hit me so hard that I felt everyone around me wanted something from me and thats why they are with me..as soon as their work is done, off they go... I don't know whether its true or just merely my imagination but all these have thought me that I have to start living for myself.. I need to put myself first before anyone or anything else.. It might make me sound selfish or rather self centered but at one point in your life you just give up satisfying people or taking care of their feelings..cause everyone else won't be as nice as you do, they'll hurt you like no one else..and I'd realize its very much difficult for you to satisfy people as you don't know what they really want...No matter how much you do, you'd still hear them complaining as though you failed to carry out things properly..but what they don't know is that...you tried your best and they have got no right to tell you didn't...At this point in the post I've got no idea what I've written all this while, it just flowed out from me...I'm clearly very happy with the choices I've made in my life.. I'll never regret any of those, at that point of time it felt right and I followed my heart...In fact I'm very happy with some of the decisions I've made in my life..I'll continue helping out people but I've realized that I need to start helping myself too..=)

3 years and still going STRONG!..

I guess it had been almost 3 years since I started this journey, (Sorry, I'm not that good with figures!) being a blogger had always given me the freedom to share thoughts, ideas or my feelings towards certain things.. You might probably questioning what actually got me doing this?..Why did I started blogging? well it all started when I started reading my friend's blogs and I saw them having so much fun sharing their life with people.. I wanted to feel the way they did and at the same time I didn't want to be left out.. So I slowly started to learn bit by bit on the patterns of blogging, how to add things on your blog and design templates etc.. The main reason I started blogging was due to the influence from friends, I might just tell you all this big things that how I was aspired to share my everyday living with people around the world..etc etc it wouldn't be an honest answer as it wasn't the root reason but it was one of those reasons on the list!.. My blog has given me the freedom to voice out my opinions, sometimes it is my sole companion whenever I'm alone..Its like we share intense chemistry cause it feels so good to write in here...I do know that my blog is not a very famous one as I'm not a celebrity, I'm just an ordinary being who would love to share my comments about things..I do know that some people don't even care having a look at my blog from the face of it..But who cares? I love what I'm doing and certainly it makes me very happy..so I'd continue doing this..I don't need to have anyone's recognition..For those who have been reading my posts and continuously supporting me all this years..Thanks Alot!...It truly matters alot to me and I appreciate every one of you..I would like to apologize if I've bored or frustrated you with any of my posts..I'm still learning and will always be...After all No one is perfect right?..=)

Today as I was driving I saw this man walking in the middle of the road holding some polystyrene container..Then somehow I had a feeling that I knew the man, he was the one who used to collect old newspapers in my primary school..whom I was frightened of back then!..I asked my friend for reassurance and she was actually surprised that I actually recognized this guy..Then she began to tell me his life story..From her I learnt that he was once an excellent student,had high hopes and big dreams..He pursued his medical degree, well that's where all the problem started..Maybe he couldn't cope with the pressure that comes in package when you take up such heavy course like medicine..so situations have resulted him to be mentally handicapped now..Somehow I adore his way of living..Though he might not be able to think like normal people do but he has the sense of responsibility and not to burden anyone by using his disability as a reason..I've seen lot of people near the place where I'm studying, where some will beg people for money or cheat people in order to get some money or even steal from people and at the end of the day using all the money to get drunk and lie on the five foot ways..its such a disgrace, I know but they call it pressures of life..Really? Pressures of life? Are you kidding me?..God has given you legs and hands, not for you to beg but for you to earn for living...Among these "carefree" people ( I don't have the best word to describe them, perhaps maybe irresponsible or even useless..I wish I could use more harsh terms here!) I've seen individuals performing on subways for us to stay entertained till the train arrives and as a token of appreciation, we award them with money..Now that's what we call earning for living, he is trying all he can to make ends meet though it might be really tough but he has dignity, integrity and self respect in himself...If at all that man had thought twice about doing Medicine and not just trying to live his parent's dreams, maybe today he could have been successful in something he would have loved doing and would not be going through all this today.. Sometimes parents have to be extra careful on what they are feeding their children, cause they might feel they are doing it the right way but you may not know what going on the child's mind...and I would like to highlight the fact that there isn't any 'right way' in parenthood..cause every child is different just like how we are..Instead of wasting your time attending parenting seminars, just try to sit down and understand your kids better..I'm not a parent but I'm just saying from a child's perspective..Well I've got it going too far!!!..haha..From a person I met on street to 'carefree' people and finally to parenthood..Three totally different topics, I've got no idea how I got them all fused right here!.. 

P/S :: About the picture..Yes, You are never too old!!...So go out there and strive for success..=)

Lesson Learnt

Today someone have pointed out to me that "I don't know how to respect others"..Let me just clear things up here..I'm someone won't think 4 times before uttering words or while conversing with someone..I just speak my mind out and expect you to listen..Sometimes the anger in me beholds and I tend to get very emotional when we're discussing very controversial issues..I always feel that I need to put my stand and need to be sure that what I'm saying is right...Maybe this can be a treat to my career as lawyers need to be calm and composed..Need to structure their arguments well before letting it out..They need to plan strategically with their words and at times they would have to conceal the truth in best way they can..For the matter of fact this is not at all good for any careers since you need to master the art of communication so that you'd gain recognition..I have always been someone who is very emotional and can be very temperamental..Sometimes I might be rude because I tend to forget with whom I'm talking to but I do know I have to change this attitude of mine so that I would not hurt anyone in future and that I won't be regretting in future due to the words that I've let out as they can't be taken back ..But at times I do feel that, there are people who act so good in front of others, they might be the goddess from heaven since everyone devote them like no one else due to the mask they wear upon their true face..They might act nice in front of you but spread gossips around behind your back..Well at least, I'm proud to say that I'm not one of such character, I respect everyone that I know though sometimes I may not be the best in portraying it..I'm trying my level best to change this attitude of mine and I'm going to watch my words from now on wards.. 

Yesterday out of sudden I decided to watch this movie "Kannathil Muthamittal" by Mani Ratnam sir..This movie was released when I was still young so I probably wouldn't have understood the gist of the story back then..It has to be noted that this movie is indeed a masterpiece..There is a reason why I choose to say so..This movie speaks about a child who was born to a Sri Lankan mother, the mother had to leave her due to the heavy responsibility she has back in motherland...she was then adopted and taken care by Indian parents..Her dad explains to her that she was adopted when she is old enough to know and it portrays how she longs to see her biological parent..Now after many years as I was watching it I could understand the deep emotions involved in a family and I would say all the casts have done a good job by bringing live to those characters on the script..I also have to highlight here the performance of  the girl who acted as 'Amutha', cause at such young age she is able to take up such a heavy role and was able to live up to the needs of the character..I probably wouldn't have been able to do that at that age..and of course all this wouldn't be possible if not for Mani Ratnam sir's brilliant script.. A.R.Rahman's music just lighted up the whole movie and my personal favourite is Oru Dheivam Thantha Poove by Chinmayee and Vellai Pookal by ARR himself.. 

After watching the movie, something in me wanted to know what really happened in Sri Lanka..Why were they subjected to such manner..So I did Google, found and learnt so many things about Tamil Eelam.. I would say the cruelty in the name of war and how such heartless people have carried out genocides.. Frankly speaking, I was angry with myself cause I weren't aware of all these happening maybe cause I was just too young..but What was everyone else in the world was doing??..day dreaming? If at all this issue was brought to light and with all the support of thousands or even millions of people worldwide, maybe we could have saved all those innocents children,women who were subjected to rape and brutal execution and all those who were hurt and couldn't even run but had to sit and watch till the bombs hit on them..some of them watched their father, mother or sisters bleed to death.. Were there any International Alarm carried out to order that country to stop conducting such act? were there any embargoes set against this country and all the trade ceased?..No I don't think so..This matter didn't get as much international  recognition like how Gaza issue got the spotlight and due to that innocent people who just wanted a place to live were let to die with no medical supply, no food nor water supply and constant bombards and shelling..and yet the people who are responsible for all this still out at large..Maybe its politically driven, I don't know or I just don't want to comment about it..but are we so selfish???...I guess the more educated we are, the more selfish we become and the only thing matters to us is,this three things  "MY family, MY money and MY life!" or maybe more, I got no clue but what I can be sure of is that it all will start with the word MY!...I would like to take a moment of silence and pray that all souls that have been lost during this war rest in peace..

La Familia

I came across this picture on Andrea Fonseka's facebook page..In case if you're wondering..she was the Miss Malaysia Universe 2004..Coming back to the topic today.. I'm someone who believe that family is not always formed by blood relationships...sometimes family can also be from people who we consider precious to us, for instance friends..Though friends are not related to us but we seem to be closer to them sometimes they're even closer than our family members..Forgot to ask you..Who do you consider as your family?..or do you actually support my definition of family?.."Family isn't always blood.Its the people in your life who want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are.The ones who would so anything to see you smile & who love you no matter what."   I clearly agree with this and live by this principle..For me whoever that I consider as my family..I'd do anything for them...just anything..I don't really care what time is it, if they need any help I'll be there the very next moment..If they need a shoulder to lean on, I'd definitely be there...This is me..I'm someone who consider everyone, those who are precious to me as family..For me they are a part of me...This is me..this is how I am and I won't change myself for anything...cause I'm BEST at being me...=)

Whatever happened to me for the pass few months have made me realize that in life nothing is permanent..No matter how much you may argue with me that there are exceptions but I've come to this conclusion cause of what I've gone through and what it had thought me..Sometimes you might feel that the particular relationship you share with someone would last forever..well it could be anyone..your best friends, friends or even your partner..The people once meant the world to you..But to your disappointment there will be things that would part your ways with them..which can be very depressing..I know how exactly it feels..At times that person would never give you the reason or even disappear from your sight, not responding to your calls nor messages..You'd probably be very worried about their safety etc..it would definitely leave you to a question mark..What had happened? What did I do? We didn't even have a fight or anything and you just disappeared?..This is how you'd be questioning and thinking to yourself..Its like once you both had it all, shared the ups and downs in life..shred every bit of story that happened in your life...shared all the happiness and the sadness together..You once knew that no matter what this person would be there for you always and would tap your back and say "Its Alright, I'm here for you"...But how it feels to finally realize that all that are no more...everything is gone..The worst case scenario is that you don't even know the reason why..It kills you to bits..but the you got to realize that this is a decision that the person have chosen so you have to respect it, no matter how hard it is...You know whats best for you?...Just accept the very fact that the person as gone an if he/she wants to be back..its totally up to them..but you don't have to push it..you go ahead LIVE YOUR LIFE!..Don't get too depressed due to this and loose your life cause of some heartless people in your life..I quoted them as 'heartless' cause they didn't even think about how hurt you'd be and just left like that...So why you have to worry about them, when they don't even care??!...You just go ahead..Have fun..Enjoy life...there is so much more life is waiting to offer you..just go on and grab those..=)

P/S :: This is a note to myself too..=)