Feeling Used...

I don't quite understand people, well maybe thats how it should be as all of them are very much different from one another..I guess I have wrote here many times about this feeling..Maybe I've never succeeded to get rid of this feeling in me..Have you ever felt such way? Like people around you are there for some certain reasons..Am I too nice to people? Sometimes I just wonder..I take care of people's feelings so well, I help them out when they're in a big trouble or down...I talk nicely to them but at the end all of them end up treating me like sh*t..Sometimes I'd just say to myself this, Do I really deserve to be threaten this way? or am I giving too much room for them to do this to me? How am I suppose to be nice and not to be hurt at the same time??! You know it had caused such a great impact on me to the extent that I'm scared to get attached to people or make friends..If can I want to just detach myself from everyone and be with myself.. Like how Buddha once said "If you make friends with yourself, you'd never be alone" and how Einstein once said that "If you want to live a happy life,tie it to a goal not to people or things", This particular Einstein's quote suits me well since I'd always love to make others happy and still doing it..Haven't learnt how to leave this attitude of mine..I've been really hurt by people's words, due to that now I'm just so afraid..I mean you be good to people, you talk to them nicely and one fine day they just throw words at you without consideration..One thing for sure I'd never be able to forget anything, its a very deep scar.. This is something I wrote long ago "Words are even sharper than SWORDS, cause they kill people even FASTER!"

© 2013 Shalini M.

Happy New year!!..

I can't believe that I'm just doing this now!...Its almost the end of the month and I'm just wishing you people HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!.....I would like to wish everyone have a very prosperous, wonderful, productive, successful, healthy year ahead!!...I'm not sure whats awaiting for me this year but hopefully its all good.. May God bless you always.. A new chapter have just begun, 27 pages have been read and discovered..Hopefully the remaining would be great..Just wanted to tell everyone and remind myself that never be afraid to take risks and shine through..Last year had thought me some very vital lessons, one of it would be "Nothing is Permanent in Life",whether its your friends, siblings, family or anyone..People change, situation changes..you just got to learn to accept it..Frankly this year wasn't a good start but then its alright I'd like to take it positively.. I'm not quite happy with my AS level results and I've been quite down lately due to this.. but then maybe He has some better plans so I'd love to just wait and watch..This indicates that I have to work even harder from now on wards and hopefully I'd be able to achieve it..For that, I need all your blessings and prayers..Once again Happy New Year Everyone!..=)

Happily Ever After??!

Happily Ever After??...Sometimes I really wonder whether it truly exists or not..Or its just a dream of an author, so he started including this sentence on fairy tales..Think about it, we grew up people reading to us "and they lived Happily Ever After" and accepted the fantasy that everyone who gets married would live happily every after..But what if someone comes and tell you that, it isn't the case? Sometimes I just wish I could rip all these book which has been telling us lies all this while...Of course once you're grown up you'd realize the truth..Everyone from our childhood been telling us not to lie but they've been reading to us all these lies and forced us to accept the fantasy they've built up..Yeah some may disagree with me by saying that, there are marriages which has a happy ending, but its only handful of them..I'd always pray that all the marriages have the same destiny but sadly not everyone is the same, not everyone is the "Prince Charming" or "Cinderella".. Its sad that how most of people stay married though they're unhappy just cause of the society and what people around them might think.. I just wish I could shout at that "society" and ask them to keep their mouth shut..What if this same thing happens in their own life? Would they be able to comment? Why is that we people like to gossip about others and not think how it would hurt them?.. For me I live for myself, my family and friends, they're very important for me and I don't give a shit about what others might think cause they've got no clue about what I've been through and what brought me here...Though I'm very young but I do understand about marriage..When you're getting married someone, you're accepting their flaws and all, you're promising them that no matter what, through thick and thin, you'll be with them... You'll give equal rights to each other, you'd be a good listener, you'll leave the EGO behind ( This is why most marriages fail, why can't we leave the three letter word behind if it causes so much destruction?!), You'd trust each other, you'd promise their parents that you'd try hard to be a good son or daughter in law and take a good care of their child, you'll be responsible over your mistakes and you'd try hard to defend your better half if they're in any sort of problem...I know I may sound old by writing all these cause you wouldn't expect 18 year old to write in such way..But its the truth isn't it? If everyone is willing to live up to the vows they've made, all marriages would have a happy ending..Though there maybe some little fights or misunderstandings, well its all acceptable since there is two different individuals,character or minds living under the same roof..Its just like how we used to fight with our siblings when we were young, since different people tend to have different opinion about things..Well, we just have to take it that way..=))

You're Happy that the world didn't end?!

On 21st December, I have had list of unfortunate events, my train got delayed, couldn't take the LRT cause there was a huge que in the ticket counter, The whole KL Sentral was filled with people..When I finally decided to ask my sister to fetch me, there was a huge traffic congestion and at the end of the day I reached home at 10 pm!! If you've followed my blog from the start you would have known how I was so against to the very thought of world ending on 2012...I have already read many entries regarding world end, the ones against and the one agrees and came to my own conclusion 3 years ago..Knew that all this are just a hoax...But that not going to rate the movie 2012 a comedy..The reason why I'm saying this is cause I saw the 9gag about this..I really like the way the movie was taken and its screenplay..Hats off to the director..Well..The reason for this post isn't about commenting on the movie...Just wanted to ask you people..You're very happy that the world didn't end??!...Please do open your eyes and see the reality...Look at the world you're living in now.. Look at how "beautiful" or "peaceful" it is.. Shootings of innocent children and people, just cause one idiot is going through depression??!... Genocide in some part of the world to destruct ethnic minorities due to political reasons..Bombards and war in some countries just to prove political sovereignty??...Child abuse by their own parents, which is so sick cause for me if you don't want to have kids or you find them burdening then don't commit to such huge commitment in the first place!... Gang rapes, recently happened in India.. Like seriously?!.. If you want to have it so badly go and find a prostitute and not destroy a person's life!..Those people who saw her lying naked on the floor and didn't lend your helping hand, you are clearly heartless... This is the 'beauty' of world today..and you are here very happy about it not ending?..I don't know how is it for you people..but for me when we humans loose our humanity that's even worst than huge flood or Tsunami!...

Its 3.27 am now, during this wee hours of morning..everyone probably would be fast asleep but here I am sitting here and writing this post..Maybe the things that have crowded my mind is not allowing me to sleep so I've decided to pen it down instead..Maybe it would make me feel better or maybe not but here I am believing that it would..sitting here and writing this entry...Sometimes I wonder am I just too nice to people that they decided to use me up like my feelings doesn't matter anymore...I've been experiencing this odd feeling..This few days I've been helping out people to sort out things and suddenly the thought rose in me whether or not this person would be there when I'm in the same situation..then the past events hits me and somehow tells me that they wouldn't even care..Due to this, I've been quite moody lately or perhaps very moody.. Maybe I shouldn't take things too seriously, just let them go instead of holding tight to my bittersweet memories in the past.. After thinking for some time, the sudden feeling hit me so hard that I felt everyone around me wanted something from me and thats why they are with me..as soon as their work is done, off they go... I don't know whether its true or just merely my imagination but all these have thought me that I have to start living for myself.. I need to put myself first before anyone or anything else.. It might make me sound selfish or rather self centered but at one point in your life you just give up satisfying people or taking care of their feelings..cause everyone else won't be as nice as you do, they'll hurt you like no one else..and I'd realize its very much difficult for you to satisfy people as you don't know what they really want...No matter how much you do, you'd still hear them complaining as though you failed to carry out things properly..but what they don't know is that...you tried your best and they have got no right to tell you didn't...At this point in the post I've got no idea what I've written all this while, it just flowed out from me...I'm clearly very happy with the choices I've made in my life.. I'll never regret any of those, at that point of time it felt right and I followed my heart...In fact I'm very happy with some of the decisions I've made in my life..I'll continue helping out people but I've realized that I need to start helping myself too..=)

3 years and still going STRONG!..

I guess it had been almost 3 years since I started this journey, (Sorry, I'm not that good with figures!) being a blogger had always given me the freedom to share thoughts, ideas or my feelings towards certain things.. You might probably questioning what actually got me doing this?..Why did I started blogging? well it all started when I started reading my friend's blogs and I saw them having so much fun sharing their life with people.. I wanted to feel the way they did and at the same time I didn't want to be left out.. So I slowly started to learn bit by bit on the patterns of blogging, how to add things on your blog and design templates etc.. The main reason I started blogging was due to the influence from friends, I might just tell you all this big things that how I was aspired to share my everyday living with people around the world..etc etc it wouldn't be an honest answer as it wasn't the root reason but it was one of those reasons on the list!.. My blog has given me the freedom to voice out my opinions, sometimes it is my sole companion whenever I'm alone..Its like we share intense chemistry cause it feels so good to write in here...I do know that my blog is not a very famous one as I'm not a celebrity, I'm just an ordinary being who would love to share my comments about things..I do know that some people don't even care having a look at my blog from the face of it..But who cares? I love what I'm doing and certainly it makes me very happy..so I'd continue doing this..I don't need to have anyone's recognition..For those who have been reading my posts and continuously supporting me all this years..Thanks Alot!...It truly matters alot to me and I appreciate every one of you..I would like to apologize if I've bored or frustrated you with any of my posts..I'm still learning and will always be...After all No one is perfect right?..=)

Today as I was driving I saw this man walking in the middle of the road holding some polystyrene container..Then somehow I had a feeling that I knew the man, he was the one who used to collect old newspapers in my primary school..whom I was frightened of back then!..I asked my friend for reassurance and she was actually surprised that I actually recognized this guy..Then she began to tell me his life story..From her I learnt that he was once an excellent student,had high hopes and big dreams..He pursued his medical degree, well that's where all the problem started..Maybe he couldn't cope with the pressure that comes in package when you take up such heavy course like medicine..so situations have resulted him to be mentally handicapped now..Somehow I adore his way of living..Though he might not be able to think like normal people do but he has the sense of responsibility and not to burden anyone by using his disability as a reason..I've seen lot of people near the place where I'm studying, where some will beg people for money or cheat people in order to get some money or even steal from people and at the end of the day using all the money to get drunk and lie on the five foot ways..its such a disgrace, I know but they call it pressures of life..Really? Pressures of life? Are you kidding me?..God has given you legs and hands, not for you to beg but for you to earn for living...Among these "carefree" people ( I don't have the best word to describe them, perhaps maybe irresponsible or even useless..I wish I could use more harsh terms here!) I've seen individuals performing on subways for us to stay entertained till the train arrives and as a token of appreciation, we award them with money..Now that's what we call earning for living, he is trying all he can to make ends meet though it might be really tough but he has dignity, integrity and self respect in himself...If at all that man had thought twice about doing Medicine and not just trying to live his parent's dreams, maybe today he could have been successful in something he would have loved doing and would not be going through all this today.. Sometimes parents have to be extra careful on what they are feeding their children, cause they might feel they are doing it the right way but you may not know what going on the child's mind...and I would like to highlight the fact that there isn't any 'right way' in parenthood..cause every child is different just like how we are..Instead of wasting your time attending parenting seminars, just try to sit down and understand your kids better..I'm not a parent but I'm just saying from a child's perspective..Well I've got it going too far!!!..haha..From a person I met on street to 'carefree' people and finally to parenthood..Three totally different topics, I've got no idea how I got them all fused right here!.. 

P/S :: About the picture..Yes, You are never too old!!...So go out there and strive for success..=)