Life goes on..

It had been quite long since I wrote in here, I guess this has been a place where I only come when I'm feeling down or need a motivation. Because by writing, I'm not sure about you but I've always received the liberation from all the sorrows that my life is packed up with. This blog has been more of a note to self than just writing it for the sake of others.

Lately, my life hasn't been of what I've all imagined it to be. It had pretty rough, I didn't know I could fail in something that I had so much love for. Perhaps maybe I just didn't do well enough, which I could make sense out of. Nonetheless, I was given the second chance to get things right, this time around I gave everything I had, every single thing. Now, I'm just hoping that it will all turn out to be good, all I can say is that I've given my best to it. Failure isn't an option anymore, it would just crush me even further. That's not gonna do me any good, isn't? To tell you the truth, I'm completely worried and that only gives me sleepless nights.

When I look at the path I chose, or the choices I've made thus far, I had this sort of self-reflective moment with myself where I was able to analyse what really went wrong along the way. What really happened? Why is everyone is either using me or leaving me? Then I realized, it was me all the way. It was my fault, to have allowed someone else to use,discriminate,blame and many more, if I didn't allow them to do all that, it wouldn't have occurred, wouldn't it? This goes out to everyone out there, please don't give other person the liberty to hurt you and always remember that you should be your very own priority!

I've always (Not always though, during the first 2 years of blogging years I was rather descriptive of my encounters) written this blog in such way that I don't exactly tell what's really  happening in my life, tell it with a gloss covering it. Its just that I don't want to make my private life, social and even if you follow me on Facebook or Twitter it will just be the same. I'm sorry if it confuses some, but this is how its gonna be. 

Sometimes when I want to go back over a decision I've made, I'll come here to read all the previous posts and learn about what made me to reach such decision. My blog do help me out everytime and to me writing is the only medicine. 

Jars of hearts..

Sitting here having my coffee and actually thinking to myself that what wrong have I done to go through this whole thing? Then I realised where it went wrong, it was the choice I've made, it may sound very trivial but most of the times its the choices we make in our life decides what the future holds. So be very careful when you decide on something, especially something really big such as relationships, marriages and career, its not like there's no turning back but trust me it would be a very hard one as it involves emotions. I guess I love myself way too much yo put myself through this shit ever again, and I'm very happy that I took the decision. There lot of people out there who are still stuck there and not being able to decide, all I would say is that follow your heart, it will never be wrong. One more thing, don't ever get influenced with what others say, its your life so live it as you wish! There's no rush, you've got all the time in the world so stay calm & relax, grab a coffee and decide, please do think thoroughly. I'm actually listening to Jars of Hearts by Christina Perri, the lyrics suits my situation very well, I so feel them deep down! For example,  "You gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul so don't come back for me"  "I've grown too strong to ever fall back in your arms"  

P/S : I've learned to live half alive :)

Relationships

Relationships are like symbiosis where there is mutualism, parasitism and commensalism, often times I believe it should be more of a mutualism and obviously it should never be parasitism. What I mean by mutualism? When both of you complement each other, both encourages to do what each of you passionate about, understanding, not controlling or rather bossy over your better half, most of all you should love unconditionally. Parasitism as you very well know, when only one benefits and it feeds on the other leaving the other sad and exhausted.

Well, I'd say its very easy to actually lay things out here and in practice it might be the hardest thing of them all. Even life isn't easy then how can we expect relationships to be a piece of cake?! We must have been crazy to ever create fairy tales and fool our kids saying that the Prince Charming would come in a carriage or perhaps an Audi,BMW or even a BICYCLE to rescue them and they will live happily ever after! Trust me, I'm one of those kids who got fooled so you're not alone! 

Yes, relationships isn't easy and it requires lot of patience, most of all LOVE! Have you realised that when you first fell in love, everything was so beautiful and lovely, you were always on cloud nine and you would always be receiving gifts,flowers and surprise dates but as years passed everything just vanished into the air? Like a day can just go by you not conversing with each other but previously you used to hang on the phone with that person day and night. Surprising isn't it? As I've said earlier relationships should be based on mutualism and most importantly it should be continuous and everlasting! Most of all, don't even try to hold it too tightly to the point of suffocation, you should always let it free, for example birds are meant to fly high on the sky and not to be caged and that's what you should do with the one you love and not cage them up.

Everlasting? I guess that's something we don't experience nowadays or do we? If you are experiencing those things, consider yourself as lucky! Both of you should put in the effort and always remember it should never be placed on one person cause as years pass on they will just get tired and exhausted of trying to please you. Being brought up in an Indian family I've faced this a lot, that the men in the family is more often is regarded as the King and we have to serve them. This is totally ridiculous and I'm very much against it. I'm more of a person, if you expect me to cook for you, I would want you to cut the vegetables for me or even cook for me! Why not right?! If you want me to do the house chores, I would always demand for you to  help me out. That's how I am, there is no special treatments cause to me I'm not your servant, I'm your better half! So till I find someone like that I shall wait patiently! :)

I'm Finally Free

Have you ever felt this way? Like you've been confined and now suddenly now you feel like you have been released out of the tiny little space? I have been going through doubts and second thoughts about the decision I took recently, but then I realised why do i need something that held me tightly to the point where I was suffocating? And why am I even thinking about it over again? I know right, I shouldn't even brought it up but then the best way to get over certain things is to actually write abo
ut it and that is what exactly I'm doing right now. 

First of all, life is all about the choices we make. The choices we make whether its right or wrong shapes us to become a better person. Often times when we make a mistake and the next time you repeat it again its no longer called as a mistake, its a choice to allow yourself to go through the pain and suffering all over again. Life has always been care-free for me, I've always thought and wanted it to be like that without complications, even when I have problems I've learnt to handle it with much patience and rationality. 

Now even the thought of that I have given someone else the authority to rule my life for a certain period of time is killing me, even though now its all back to normal like it was before but still WHAT WAS I THINKING?! I was just completely STUPID to let someone else control my life but I guess its okay as this has thought me a lesson. A lesson that I would be carrying throughout my life; that no matter what put yourself FIRST! You are the only one who could direct and act your life out, no one else should be given the authority to do so. 

Anyhow, it was indeed a painful journey but has thought me tonnes of lessons. I thank God to have shown me the light at earlier phase so that I would not be so broken, even I am now but I have promised myself that I will get over it and I want to get over it! The processes that involves in getting over this is that to do whatever you have ever wished for or in other words fulfill your wish-list. I'm glad that I'm doing just that! Hopefully after this I would make the right choices so that I wouldn't have to go through this shit ever again.

P/S : I'm finally FREE and I'm loving it! :)

I would like to really Thank God for everything He have done to me and whatever He's going to in the future, I guess my life had been very much unpredictable as so many things I'm actually doing right now, I wouldn't even have dreamed of doing such things. As most of you know that my initial plan wasn't Law and my choice was very much diverse from law, which was Piloting. I mean from a Pilot to a Lawyer, who would have ever imagined that right? But I'm very much glad that it happened. Due to some unfortunate things, I wasn't chosen to be a cadet pilot but I would have definitely loved to become one. Anyway, I'm very much willing to take up flying as a hobby! Cause of this I decided to do my A levels just to prolong the thinking period cause I wanted to think it through and carefully as it involves my future and at the same time I didn't want to waste time sitting and rotting at home! and now finally I've made up my mind to pursue my Law degree, I've learned and enjoyed lot of things along this rough path and I'm very much looking forward for more surprises that life has stored for me, pretty much excited and trilled I would say! There is a good news I would like to share with all of you readers, that I'm chosen to take up Internship program with some parties, for some certain reasons I don't want to mention their name right here. I really hope this would be a good exposure for me and I'm pretty much looking forward to work with this people, hopefully I won't put them down under any circumstance. I hope God would give the strengths and courage to undertake this task, I can see this would be a hectic one but I'm willing to take up the challenge! Hopefully, I'd perform well! There's lot of plans in my mind for the future, hopefully everything would go through smoothly! *fingers crossed* 

Jiah Khan

I most certainly believe that all of you have heard the news about the sudden death of actress Jiah (Nafisa) Khan who acted in Nishabd, Ghajini and Housefull, I heard the news when I was in the midst of my examination. Honestly, when I first heard the news, I was like who is she? I had no idea who she was, but having read about her and Google-d about her, I guess I could say that I know her now. Its very much sad to see young people like her who suppose to be the achievers in the future make such decisions to end their life. Most say that suicide is a cowardly act, but I'd say that it takes lot of courage to actually do it. Don't mistaken me that I'm encouraging it or anything, I'll come to the justification later on. I strongly believe that things can be sorted out in many other ways, suicide isn't the only resort, one should always keep that on their mind. But having said that, I seriously can't imagine the amount of pain, suffering and torture she would have undergone in order for her to take such decision. Today, I stumbled upon what is said to be her suicidal note and read through it, I could relate and feel each and every word she have written, so much of pain in her words. Hopefully, justice will be served and she is just too young to go. Look at the picture, she is just so gorgeous! Who would have known behind her smile lie a very depressing and sad story. My deepest condolences to her parents,sisters and family. May she rests in peace, I hope that she is in a better place now where she'd get all the happiness she deserves. I really hope that media would not make this a sensational news and make wrong speculations.I think the least we could do is respect her and not to simply create rumours. She wasn't famous when she was alive, but she becomes the cover story overnight, how ironic isn't it? I'm going to sit and watch all the three movies she have acted, this is my way of showing respect to her.

Good Evening readers! I know it had been a century since I've updated my blog (This has been my start up post like always; asking sorry!) I know I've did it before and m doing it again, I sincerely would like to apologise for the delays been extremely busy with my A levels completion. I've given my best to it, hopefully I'd pass through it with flying colours. I seriously don't know why I'm asking sorry, cause I really doubt anyone actually read the blog! I mean like really, unless you've been directed to my blog by Google images I don't think anyone gives a damn! They'd prefer to read some celebrities news feed, well most find it interesting maybe cause they get to feel how fame feels. Nevermind, I don't actually care about all those, actually I've stopped writing for more views and have increased my focus on the content of the particular post, perhaps maybe it comes with the age! :P I guess I've very much improvised from the first day I've starting writing and m very much glad with that, cause I do read my posts over again after some time, it did made me realise how my writing patterns have changed over the years. Its maybe due to the immense reading I've been doing, influence of my idols and of course my age. Well, when I was 14 or so I used to feel that I knew everything maybe that's how everyone feels, and now when I look back I've realised that I knew so little but I was able to understand things. But now I would say it had improvised to a large extent and I'm very much aware of my surroundings even further, its amazing isn't it? and I believe in future when I look back at today, I'd definitely feel the same because learning is a process of living. It just adds on and never subtracts, so you don't get even stupid by reading but its the other way around. Well, this post has gone too far isn't it??! Maybe its me and my love towards the keyboard, we are just inseparable! hahaha with that I shall end this :)